Childhood Traditions, Superstitions & Recollections
EPISODE 5 — 24 DECEMBER 2021
“One thing that my Mum drilled into me is that how I behave and act towards others is a reflection of your parents and how they raised you.”
ABOUT THE EP
How much from our childhood has translated into adulthood? What was our upbringing like? For this festive season, we sit down and reflect on our childhood memories, growing up in an Asian household, stories our parents told us, subtle asian traits, and the things we always have to explain to others.
THE DETAILS
Growing up in the 90s and 00s
The joys of Chinese school, tutoring and extracurricular activities
Were our parents actually strict?
The lies our parents told us
Asian traditions and superstitions
Things only Asians will understand
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Wendy
So, in this episode, it's going to be a little bit different. We're going to talk about a pretty fun topic, I suppose, where hopefully you will get to know us a little bit better. We're going to talk about our upbringing in an Asian household. Things that our parents made us believe growing up, which may be fact or fiction, we will find out, and subtle Asian traits that only we understand.
Tracy
Yeah, very excited to have a fun topic to end the year. I think this is our last episode for the year.
Wendy
Yeah. So, hope you guys enjoy it. Cool. Let's dive into it.
Tracy
So, Wendy, what was it like growing up in the San household?
Wendy
It was pretty wild, I would say. I think because it was like, I was, I am a part of a family of four girls. So, it was always quite like chaotic in the sense that there was just so many people in the family and all of us have really different, I guess, like hobbies and stuff. But yeah, I think growing up, my parents really made the effort to take us out whenever they could, like going on family trips, seeing like a lot of Sydney, we drove down to Melbourne a couple of times. Yeah. So, I think my family lifestyle growing up was like, we were pretty tight knit, always exploring. And I think that kind of contributed to like, I guess, how extrovert and the fact that I love traveling as well. And yeah, I just love being outdoors. But also growing up, I spent a lot of time, like outdoors, just playing with neighbours, family, friends.
Tracy
It was so safe back then. Like, I feel like there was no concept with stranger danger. I remember just like playing with the ball out on the road. Like no cars would drive by, you can just play and run around, out on the street and not be scared to be run over or get kidnapped, you know?
Wendy
I mean, I lived in a townhouse, so it was like, so much easier to do that. But I do remember like riding my bikes on like the side streets and you just don't have a concept of like how dangerous things could be. I suppose like having siblings for me anyway, older siblings, they trusted them to take care of me. Um, and so I guess that framed like me growing up with my sisters. We were quite close in a lot of ways, we spent a lot of time together, I went out with my sister's friends. When she was in high school, she would like, let me tag along, go to ice skating and stuff like that. So, thanks sis.
Tracy
Did she teach you to ice skate?
Wendy
Yeah, which is why I would like to say I'm pretty good now. Like, I think I'm less scared about being on the ice as like if somebody was to learn now. What about you, Tracy? What was it like growing up in your household?
Tracy
So, I'm the eldest child. So, I think I do have memories of being like the only child. Growing up, I just remember like, we grew up in a small house in Canley Heights and that's like my childhood memory. I think that's our first home, my childhood home. And I just remember like playing by myself a lot, like doing a lot of arts and crafts and you know, those, I don't even know how to explain it, you know, like the mats with the puzzles and you like piece the puzzles together. Yeah. The numbers and the alphabets, like from Vietnam. I remember we had a lot of those, like that's my memory when I think of back my childhood, like I would play that in my living room. Um, and then when my sisters came and they started growing up, we used to play a lot of pretend, like we'll make forts or like play teachers. Yeah. And I used to make them like do dance routines.
Wendy
Oh, yeah same. I used to sing karaoke with my sister a lot as well.
Tracy
Just like a lot of things you do, like you just make stuff up in your imagination because we didn't have phones back then. So, it was just like playing forts, playing teachers, playing family. Just doing a lot of random shit, to be honest.
Wendy
Yeah. That's so true. Like when you think about how much kids are on iPads and stuff these days, I always reflect back on like, how did I spend my time? And therefore, that's why I was kind of talking about spending so much time outside because you just had nothing to do indoors or there was like limited time to watch TV.
Tracy
Yeah. I don't remember watching TV that much.
Wendy
Yeah neither. Or also I had to share a computer with my sisters. It was like dial up internet as well. So, it's like sectioned times as to when you could use the computer. Yeah, so it was pretty wild, I would say.
Tracy
Yeah, like I did a lot of painting. I think I remember doing a lot of painting and like, growing up, I hung out a lot with my extended family, like my cousins and my grandparents, like I was always over at their place, so yeah.
Wendy
And you still do, right? Like you still spend so much time with your extended family now.
Tracy
Yeah. I'm really close with my cousins and my aunties and you know, my grandparents or grandma now, but yeah. It's really nice because I think I grew up with them and they're all around the same age and now we are all very close. I would say they're one of my best friends, like that group.
Wendy
Oh, that's so nice. I feel like I spent so much time with not really extended family because I don't have a lot of family in Australia and all of my mum's side is still in Vietnam, but spending a lot of time with like family friends, I feel like was a very significant moment from my childhood, where you would spend so much time like going to other people's houses. And it's always like, an unrelated aunty or uncle, but you would just spend so much time with their kids as well.
Tracy
Yeah, it kind of makes me think that when we grow up, when we have kids, like we are going to be each other's family friends. Do remember going to like a family friend's house and I'll be like, when can we go home? I don't know any of these adults and they're like just all drinking and like eating and I'm just having to hang out with their kids.
Wendy
Yeah. Like I actually have so many, I guess, photos with people that I don't even know. Like when I look back at albums and stuff and it's like, who's this kid. And your parents would be like, it's like your uncle but not really your uncle.
Trac
Yeah. Everyone's your uncle in Asian culture.
Wendy
Yeah. I also spent so much of my time at like Chinese school on the weekends and that's how I also made friends, and tutoring.
Tracy
Oh, let's talk about tutoring. When did you start tutoring?
Wendy
Year 2, I believe.
Tracy
Yeah, me too. I started in Year 1. Is that wild? Like that's pretty insane. That’s really too much like to put your children through tutoring from Year 1.
Wendy
I started studying for the OC. Isn’t that crazy? Like doing, what are they called? Those the general ability tests. And those like Excel textbooks.
Tracy
Oh, yeah, the textbooks like the math textbooks and everything.
Wendy
Yeah. The fact that I wanted those books, like, I wanted my parents to buy me those books is kind of crazy. I kind of had a little bit of an obsession with like textbooks, but I didn't do the work. It was kind of just like buying it to feel like I was being productive.
Tracy
Yeah. I actually spent a lot, most, of my weekends in tutoring, like thinking about it now.
Wendy
What did you get tutored for?
Tracy
I think when you start in primary school it's like everything, it's like maths, english, writing, general ability, like everything.
Wendy
I think it depends where you go. So, the tutoring centre that I went was called Bamboo School and I think I initially just went for Maths because that's what they specialised in, and I never went to tutoring for English or anything beyond that because I think I had my sisters to help me. But it might be different for you because you're the eldest.
Tracy
Yeah. I went to ABC College. So, they do the whole shebang. It's like school after school.
Wendy
Getting into ABC College was like really exclusive.
Tracy
Was it really? Don’t you like just pay the money?
Wendy
No, I think it was like a lot of kids went to ABC College because it was quite like a big franchise. And you would have to do like an exam to get in.
Tracy
I can't even remember.
Wendy
I have a vivid memory of going to like Fairfield.
Tracy
No, I can't remember. I did tutoring with my cousins, like since Year 1. I even did private tutoring. We even had people teach us one on one and everything like that. And then going to high school, that’s when I only did maths tutoring because I feel like everything else, I didn't really need.
Wendy
I think my sister tutored like other kids for a while. That's the other thing, like I feel like once you get out of high school, you could make bank just tutoring. But apart from tutoring, I also went to Chinese school. And I absolutely hated it. It was like such a dread every Saturday morning going to Chinese school and I'd be up late on a Friday night because I didn't do my work, like writing my characters. Like you would have a small book, which was like probably A5 size, and you would have all these like boxes, and you need to repeat the characters in. And honestly, I would probably remember like four or five phrases.
Tracy
Do you know how to speak Chinese? Did you learn stuff from Chinese school? Because I did only a very brief stint in Chinese school and I didn't learn anything.
Wendy
Well, I went to Mandarin school from probably like Year 1 through to Year 7. I do remember some phrases and I can read some characters, and I can make out what people are saying if they speak Mandarin into me. But for the amount of time that I spend in Chinese school, I definitely should know more. But you know, as a kid, you don't appreciate these things until you grow up. I definitely regret it now.
Tracy
I feel like it's crazy because obviously our families are not rich. They didn't make a lot of money, but the fact that they were able to put us through tutoring from year one and Chinese school, like that's a lot of money, which is a bit insane.
Wendy
I think because I studied French in uni, I look back at the money my parents wasted on, not just Chinese school, but tutoring as well. I really did not appreciate tutoring for what it was until I got to like Year 11 and 12. And it was like, oh, your studies is kind of on the line for like what you want to get into in uni. I definitely remember having to study for like OC and selective as well, and then not getting into selective, but both my two older sisters got into selective.
Tracy
Oh, pressure. And being that child that didn't get into selected, what did your parents say to that?
Wendy
Oh, I think there was probably less pressure on me by the time it got to like, obviously I'm the third child. So by the time it got to me, it was kind of like, okay, your two sisters got into selective school. So it mattered less. You don't have to. I guess it was less faith in me.
Tracy
Did you do any other extracurricular?
Wendy
Uh no, because I wasn’t allowed to.
Tracy
Swimming school?
Wendy
Uh, no, I didn't go to swimming school. Like my mom has this thing where she uses swimming school as an excuse to get out of things, like, oh, sorry. I can't come because my daughter has swimming school. I'm pretty sure she probably uses the excuse now. But my sister is like 20 years old. Sorry mum, I’m exposing you.
Tracy
Her friends are like, damn, your children haven't learned to swim yet after all these years.
Wendy: No, I would never went to swimming school. I really, really wanted to do netball on the weekends. I was a really active child, so I was like very involved in school sports in like Year 5, Year 6. So, I really wanted to do netball, but I didn't even ask because I just knew the answer would be no.
Tracy
It’s just not a thing that Asian kids do.
Wendy
Like they don’t understand the concept of sports, and weekend sports or weekend activities. But I think it's so important now, if you think about how it helps children develop like motor skills and social skills as well. That's one thing that I'm hoping my children will have.
Tracy
You will be a soccer mom.
Wendy
A hundred percent I'll be that person on the sideline, like screaming at my child.
Tracy
Yeah. I can see that.
Wendy
Did you learn like an instrument though?
Tracy
No. So, I actually really wanted to learn the piano, which is odd because a lot of people were like, I don't want to learn the piano. They're forced into it, but for me, I never was put into music school. And I really wanted to learn because it's so cool to be able to play an instrument. I did a bit of drumming lessons at school. But that was when I was in Year 9 or Year 10 or something. And I was paying for myself at the time.
Wendy
I did guitar in Year 8. But even asking my parents for that, I had to mentally prepare. I do remember asking my parents and like trying to justify why I wanted to learn guitar. Like I can still play today and it was valuable, but it was kind of like, I think the way that I won them over was like, you don't need to pay because I was working, like I'll pay for myself.
Tracy
Yeah. As long as you're making your own money, then you can do whatever with it. Your parents can't really say anything. Um, I went to art classes. I went to like painting classes every weekend with my cousins, and then we like did an art school throughout probably primary school to early junior year, maybe high school.
Wendy
That’s a luxury.
Tracy
I know. It’s so random. It was so normal for me, like to go to art school, art classes, every week, but it's not a normal thing I realise.
Wendy
Yeah. Do you think that's shaped, like why you do stuff like sewing on the side or you really appreciating arts and craft?
Tracy
Yeah, I think so. I think I've always been a creative or artsy person. From a child, I was always painting. I was always drawing. I was always designing clothes. And then being able to do art classes as well was like an outlet. Although, I remember me and my cousin went to painting classes and we would get so lazy, like we were just like, I'm tired, I don’t know how to paint, and he'll just come in and paint for us. And he'll just do the entire thing for us.
Wendy
You didn't know the luxury that you had. But I think that goes to show, reflecting on our childhood memories now, and the things that we went through, it's really shaped who we are today. I feel like a lot of my, I wouldn't say habits, but just like the way that I go about things sometimes is really formed by my childhood habits.
Tracy
Yeah. I'm actually kind of realising now that my childhood hobbies are now my adult hobbies. My hobbies haven’t changed. We also spent a lot of time at the library. Like after swim school, we would go to the library and this is every week and I read heaps as a child and now I still read a lot.
Wendy
And like I mentioned travel before, like I'm such a big traveller now and it's definitely because like my parents. Like they allowed us to see the world beyond like our Fairfield bubble. I actually remember streets really well. And that's because like my dad's super street smart.
Tracy
Did you have to read the directory? The street directory?
Wendy
Yes! And you would have to go through like four pages to get there.
Tracy
Yeah, and when the street would cut off, you have to find the other street.
Wendy
And it's like not consecutive pages. It didn't make any sense. I wonder if I still have a copy.
Tracy
I probably do, but wow, there was a time before GPS.
Wendy
I feel like we were so useful as children. Don't you think? I think our parents didn't really know how to do that kind of stuff. Like reading, they relied on us. I mean, I'm pretty lucky because my older sister and everything. And it's like having to pay bills for your parents. Or like registering them for stuff.
Tracy
Oh my God. Or like being the interpreter, like calling up Telstra, calling up Optus, calling up, I don't know, everybody.
Wendy
Yeah, I'm pretty lucky that I'm the third. I mean, I do that all now because I'm the oldest in the household now. I feel sorry for the eldest.
Tracy
Yeah. I had to set up the internet, like everything, mobile phones, everything was learning from scratch, but now I just give it to my sisters.
Wendy
Because they have to learn as well, right?
Tracy
Yeah, exactly. I think for the longest time, they didn't know how to do certain things. I was like, you guys have to figure this out.
Wendy
It's actually life skills. Because like now it's like, even if I have to call someone or something, like a service, like I know what to do. Whereas I feel like if you didn't grow up doing that, there's so much anxiety attached to that. Yeah. So, how strict were your parents, Trace?
Tracy
I think my parents were a normal amount of strict. I feel like growing up, the priority was always safety. You go outside, you get kidnapped. Like literally that's ingrained in me. Everyone's a predator. I used to get so scared. I remember one time. Um, this is a tangent, but one time, my sisters got in trouble so they got kicked out of the house and they had to sit outside the front. And I was just inside, just staring at them. Because I was like, they're going to get kidnapped. They're going to get kidnapped. And I just like watched them with a hawk eye. But they really embedded like safety first, you know, like watch your surroundings and everything. I think they were very protective in that sense. I wasn't able to go out into Cabra by myself until I was probably in Year 7 or Year 8.
Wendy
Wow. I think I was allowed to go, in like Year 6, I would go to like Liverpool Westfields.
Tracy
Oh, I was not allowed to do that.
Wendy
I would take the train with my friends. Now my parents are actually not that strict, but my parents were strict about very, very particular things. So going out was okay depending on who I was going with. Yeah. But my parents were really strict about kind of going out and coming home at a certain time. So curfew. And I would always be that person even like in Year 11 and 12, I was always the one to leave first.
Tracy
I do remember that. You were like, sorry guys, I gotta go now, it's like 11 o'clock.
Wendy
Yeah. And like, I wasn't allowed to sleep over at people's houses either because it was like stranger danger. Didn't know the other family so my mum would be like, no, you're not allowed. I wouldn't even ask because I just knew what it would be like. But I'm very grateful that my parents never stopped me from going anywhere. They said no, sometimes, obviously when it was dangerous, but yeah, I was like pretty free as a child growing up.
Tracy
Yeah. Like for me, it, I think when I got into high school, that's when the strictness just went out the door. I just felt like I was so free. Like I never, ever had curfew. I remember like we would hang out in high school, like a big group of us. And anytime it'll get too late, like it'll be 11 or something, our friends would start getting messages from their parents or calls from their parents, like, where are you, why aren't you home? And then I'll just look at my phone and my parents haven't called me. If I stayed out until like 1am, they wouldn't care, or they wouldn't know. Not they wouldn't care, but they wouldn't like tell me to come home. They wouldn't question it. I used to be like, oh my God, my parents are so lenient. Like I could be out there doing something really bad but they don't check up on me.
Wendy
I guess it's like, when you prove yourself, there's a level of trust. And also if they see you have good friends. They they're like, yeah okay. If they see you've got bad friends, I think they'd be a little bit more concerned.
Tracy
Yeah. There's definitely a lot of trust there. And I knew that, like the fact that they didn't check up on me constantly and the fact that they let me out with my friends, I knew there was a level of trust. So, I didn't want to break that trust. I was always very honest about where I was. The thing is, as long as I tell them where I am, they'll be able to sleep easy.
Wendy
Yeah. And you're less inclined to lie about where you are, right? You know that your parents have put that trust in you so you want to kind of honour it and not disrespect them in that way.
Tracy
Did you do any rebelling as a child?
Wendy
Um, I mean, I told little white lies here and there. I specifically remember growing up, we would go to like DFO in Homebush. We would take the train and we would take the bus and we would just go shopping. And obviously we weren't rich. We would buy lot. We would buy like $5 t-shirts. That's why we went to DFO, because we weren't rich. We would buy $5 t-shirts from like JayJays and all that kind of stuff. And I would come home and I would like show my mum what I got, but kind of like discount the price. So, if something was like $40, I remember buying like boots with you and it was like $40, and I would tell my mum like, oh no, it was $20. I would half the price every time. My mum is not very big on buying clothes and every time I bought something, I would just tell her it was so much cheaper than it actually was, kind of proving to her, like it was worth it.
Tracy
I got this on a bargain.
Wendy
Yeah, exactly. You never buy anything full price. And so she wouldn't question it, but yeah, that’s probably the most rebelling I ever do.
Tracy
We were pretty good children. I don't think I rebelled really. Like I was a pretty good child.
Wendy
I think you rebel, if somebody tells you, you can't do something.
Tracy
Yes, I agree. Like, I think if your parents were really strict or they're saying you can't do this, you can't do that, you're more likely to probably rebel.
Wendy
Yeah. I'm pretty sure for our first beach house out of high school, I lied about that. See, because my parents didn't let me sleep over at like anywhere. But I mean, I was going with friends, and good people as well, so I told a little white lie about that. I don't think my parents listen to our podcast. I'm sure they know. But I don't think I ever told them anything that made me feel super guilty. And like I said, white lies. You feel guilty about it for like a second, but you know, it's harmless because it's not like you're doing something –
Tracy
She sounds like a pathological liar.
Wendy
I’m really not. Oh, wild times. So other than rebelling, what are some of the things that I guess your parents told you growing up that you believed in?
Tracy
There are so many things that my parents think are true and they'll tell me. And I'm like, I don't think that's true. It's like, where did you get it from? Like where did you get it from? So there's things like don't eat before you shower? Don't eat before you swim. Like don't eat before you enter a body of water. And I have no idea why not?
Wendy
Yeah. Like to this day, I still don't understand, but it's ingrained in me. I will not eat then shower.
Tracy
Yeah. I will shower first and then eat, even shower late. That is that bad for you? I don't know. Oh, don't wash your hair late.
Wendy
Oh yeah. Don't wash your hair late. But I mean, that kind of makes sense. Right?
Tracy
Does it make sense? Oh, because you don't want to sleep with wet hair?
Wendy
Because you'll get sick, but is that true?
Tracy
Have we been brainwashed by our parents subconsciously?
Wendy
Because even now, if I wash my hair late at night, I'll make sure it's like completely dry before I sleep.
Tracy
Yeah, because you'll get sick, but I don't know if that's true.
Wendy
Guys, leave comments, let us know where you think, because I'm really not sure about that one. The other one though that has stuck with me is like, don't jump after you eat or like, don't do anything after you eat.
Tracy
That makes sense though. Right?
Wendy
That leads to appendicitis for sure. And my sister got appendicitis.
Tracy
Wait, how about drinking water whilst you're eating?
Wendy
Oh yeah. So yeah, I have a really bad habit. I eat like rice with soup. And apparently, like you're not allowed, I wasn't allowed to do that growing up really. Like I would get in trouble, but I just love doing, it just makes the eating experience so much more enjoyable. But I think it's because you don't actually chew your food and process it properly. I also don't know if that's true. Probably is, but I don't know.
Tracy
See, yeah. I don’t know. Our whole life is just a lie. I have no idea what's true and what's not true.
Wendy
I’m unpacking everything now. But even now, I also don't sleep with a fan on, because my mum told me one time that someone did that in Vietnam and they died. Yeah, it's really dire. But yeah, I just don't sleep with a fan on, I don't use my aircon as well because it's just ingrained in me that it's a waste of electricity
Tracy
But I mean, that one's true.
Wendy
Yeah. Like that's factual. But we're really unpacking like things that we do now, subconsciously that we didn't even know that we did.
Tracy
How about like superstitions? Like don't face your bed towards the door because the demons can pull you out of bed.
Wendy
Yes. There's like a certain way that you should wake up, so you're not facing a mirror. I think it's like feng shui. And also if you have a house with stairs that face your front door, that's not good either. Because it's like something about like money flowing out, or energy, the way that energy flows.
Tracy
Yeah. And something about your house, not facing the street, like not facing the end of the street.
Wendy
Yeah. Something like that. Or like if you live on a piece of land and it like slopes down, apparently that's a sign of like, like money flying out.
Tracy
I live on a house on slopes, so that's probably why I have no money.
Wendy
But you slope towards the road, but it’s if you're sloping towards like a creek or something.
Tracy
Oh okay. Yeah. Where do they get these things? Honestly, like our parents have no idea where these things come from.
Wendy
When we moved into this house, we had someone come and actually do like the whole feng shui assessment. That, I'm like, yeah, okay, I can get around that. Because it's like probably… science… behind it? Don't quote me on that.
Tracy
There's something behind it.
Wendy
Yeah. We don't have any references in the show notes.
Tracy
No references today. We're just talking for fun.
Wendy
Yeah, but like, you know, growing up, those things matter, right? And even if you buy a new place, you need to do like an offering so with like fruit and incense, and all that kind of stuff to cleanse the place. Yeah. I think that's pretty much it for me. I'll probably remember some after this.
Tracy
It's always when you get sick as well. It's always because of one of three reasons, right? You didn't drink enough water. You didn't sleep early enough. Or you didn't wear a jacket going out the house.
Wendy
Oh God, that is so true. Or like for my Cantonese listeners, like everything is yeet hay. Everything you eat is like hot food. Not like, temperature hot, but it's like very hot food.
Tracy
Like not good for your health, for your body.
Wendy
Like fried food and all that kind of stuff. My mum even says that to me now. If I'm like, oh, I just had like a headache yesterday. She'd be like, you didn't sleep enough. You didn't drink enough water. Or you didn't wear enough clothes going out.
Tracy
Yeah, exactly. Well, how about when you're like, I don't know. Like when there's something wrong with me, like for example, I have eczema. So whenever I flare up, all the Asian remedies come out. Like, I don't know, fish oil, you know, I don't know, like random, Chinese medicine, things to put on myself, the aloe vera comes out. All these things. Like ginseng. They think anything can fix it.
Wendy
Or like teas and stuff? Yeah, like my mum would go to the apothecary to get all these like Chinese herbal medicines and then like boil something for me to drink. I also just remembered something else that my mum told me, and I actually think this may be true, like mixing Chinese medicine with Western medicine.
Tracy
Is that good or not?
Wendy
No, you're not meant to. It like eliminates. No, it doesn't eliminate. It could lead to like something similar to an overdose. Also, don't quote me on this. But that's also instilled in me. You don't want to experiment with that. Sorry, this is really dire. I have really scary things being told to me.
Tracy
Yeah, our parents really scared us as children. I feel like everything, the world, was such a dangerous place in their eyes and like they would tell us anything to make us believe and like stay safe, you know?
Wendy
Anyway, moving on, moving on. What are the traditions in your household?
Tracy
Um, so my family comes from a Buddhist background. So, the traditions kind of revolve around the Chinese calendar. So, Chinese New Year. We have like pray days, like you go in the temple, you pray, or you do offerings at home. Um, anniversaries of our family member's deaths, moon festival. What did you have?
Wendy
I'm very similar. So, we also have like an altar in the house. My mum I think puts out incense every morning and there's like specific spots around the house that she would put incense down. We're also Buddhist obviously. And we celebrate like death anniversaries, follow the Chinese calendar, so when we celebrate my parents' birthday, we follow the Chinese calendar. So technically every year, their birthdays change. Like dates. But we just celebrate generally around the time that happens. A lot of it revolves around food. So, when you're doing like offerings, when you're praying, whether it's like to my grandparents, like death anniversary, we would go to the cemetery where they're buried and we would have like roast, Chinese desserts and stuff. And we would put that out and then we would burn like paper items. And it's kind of like signifying that you are sending these items to them in heaven, and then you have the food to celebrate.
Tracy
Yeah. Like my grandparents worked at the temple, so I feel like I grew up in the temple almost, like that was almost like one of my second homes.
Wendy
And temple food was really nice. Vegetarian temple food.
Tracy
Eating vegetarian is a big thing too.
Wendy
Yeah, and on like Chinese New Year, there's very specific like ways that you need to dress like colors that you need to dress.
Tracy
Oh my God. Chinese New Year traditions. Like not showering.
Wendy
Oh yeah, not showering at a certain time. Not sweeping your floor.
Tracy
Not sweeping your floor. Like you have to do all these things before Chinese New Year. Like cleaning your house, cutting your hair.
Wendy
So, you cut your hair beforehand.
Tracy
Yeah, but during the period of Chinese New Year, you can't cut your hair. You can't sweep your house.
Wendy
So, anything to signify that like you're getting rid of something. Almost like you are getting rid of the luck. Like if you're sweeping your house, they say that it's like sweeping the good luck out of your house. Or if you're cutting your hair, like the good energy maybe, potentially, I don't know. I'm making that up. But also like, cleaning, you just don't do it during the period. You do everything leading up to it. And you don't wear white because white is the colour that you wear for funerals. You wear red. And I also, every year, I get like a little paper triangle origami thing, and they write my Chinese name on it and then I carry it in my wallet. And at the end of the Chinese New Year, you go to the temple and you throw it into where they've got like an open fire and it's meant to burn like your bad luck or sins for you.
Tracy
It’s supposed to keep you safe during the year, right? I just had a thought, imagine in the future, when we don't have wallets, would they digitise it? Like can I add this to my e-wallet?
Wendy
That’s such a crazy thought, hey? Like how would we, where would we carry it? I reckon we'll still carry it somewhere. It's crazy talking about this because I think we've never talked about what we do in our families, like we kind of know that we celebrate at the same time, but we've never kind of broken it down as to what we celebrate and stuff. It's kind of just what we're used to and we kind of assume that every other family does something very similar.
Tracy
Yeah. At least like with our friends who are Asian, I think we have an understanding, but people outside our culture might look at it and be like, oh, not really sure what the traditions are or what it is that and how we grew up and what our parents are like.
Wendy
Yeah. Thinking about that and like temple and everything, growing up, whenever I got in trouble, I had to kneel in front of the altar. And I would have to literally sit on like a kneeling position and I'd have to sit there for hours. Like repenting my sins.
Tracy
Oh, did you have to hold your ears?
Wendy
No, I didn't have to do that.
Tracy
I had to hold my ears. I had to pinch my both ears and stand there for ages.
Wendy
I'm just imagining like a young Tracy just like crying, holding your ears. That and the bamboo stick.
Tracy:
Oh my gosh. The bamboo stick.
Wendy
I mean, it came in many variations. Like it could be a bamboo stick. It could be chopstick. It could be a shoe. It could be a fly swat.
Tracy
For those who don’t know what we're talking about, it's a bit violent, but like, I guess Asian parents are used to just hitting their kids when they need to be disciplined.
Wendy
I mean, it's more so a form of intimidation. I got hit but as time went on, I got hit less and less, I suppose. Maybe I got smarter. Who knows, but it became like a form of intimidation.
Tracy
Yeah. It's just, as soon as they pick up a weapon, you're like, oh shit. It's kind of enough to scare you not to do anything again.
Wendy
I also got kicked out of the house. I was a pretty bad kid, I would say. I had so much angst in me. Maybe it's a third child syndrome, who knows. I got kicked out and it was pretty sad because I was just sitting in the front just balling my eyes out, repenting my sins.
Tracy
I remember I used to get picked up for tutoring every week and I would always like get in trouble right beforehand. My aunty would drive me to tutoring and I'll be like done crying. And she’d be like, did you get hit again? Did you get yelled at again?
Wendy
You know, you do that thing where you're crying and you've cried so intensely that you've got kind of hiccups and then your parents would be like, stop crying. You're like, but you just yelled at me.
Tracy
Oh my God. It sounds very traumatic for people who don't understand the culture, but it's not. It's really normal.
Wendy
I mean, we turned out okay.
Tracy
It's pretty normal.
Wendy
I feel like if you were younger, you got hit less like.
Tracy
Oh yeah. My youngest sisters didn't get hit at all.
Wendy
Lucky, but it's okay. We're fine now. No traumas. No worries. Moving on. Let's not talk about that.
Tracy
Let's move on subtle Asian traits. What are things that we have to explain to other people? So, if we're in the workplace or if we're meeting people who are not from migrant backgrounds or Asian backgrounds or Chinese backgrounds, like what are things that you find yourself having to explain over and over again?
Wendy
I feel like this, a lot of it stems from being so self-conscious about it. So, like, one thing for me is when I bring food to work and it's like, obviously not the usual types of Western foods that you see people eat. Sometimes people ask me like, oh, what are you having? And then I'd generalise and be like, oh, like roast duck and rice. And I say it like that and I think like, oh, do they know what roast duck is? Like the Chinese roast duck. Yeah. A lot about food, I would say, I find myself explaining.
Tracy
Like what you said about being self-conscious, I find myself explaining without anyone asking me to explain. Like I'll have food and then I just suddenly feel the need to like justify, over explain, what I'm eating so there's no confusion about what I'm eating.
Wendy
So, like, oh, you're having sushi. Oh, I'm having rice with like roast pork and like some Chinese spinach.
Tracy
And I’m having this because it was just some leftovers from dinner last night. Like they don't need to know my whole life story, but I just feel the need to explain myself because it's so like out of the norm.
Wendy
Yeah. And I'm always like, oh my mum packed me lunch today, and then I think back to like, oh, why did I say my mum packed me lunch?
Tracy
Like we're 25…
Wendy
And we still live at home!
Tracy
And we have like home packed lunch, which for a lot of people who don't come from Chinese backgrounds or Asian backgrounds, it's very confusing.
Wendy
Yeah. Like everybody buys lunches. And so when I bring lunch, it's always like rice and something.
Tracy
The fact that we live at home, that is something I always have to explain to people. Like people go, oh, where do you live? And then I'm like, oh my God, I have to tell them that I live at home with my parents. And then I always start with, okay, you wouldn't know where the suburb is. It's out west, like an hour out west and they'll be like, where is it? And then I'll tell them where it is and they’ll be like, oh… And then they'll be like, so do you live with your parents? Because that's always the conclusion when you live far away. And I’ll be like, I do. And they don't ask, but I have to explain myself. I'm like, because you know, Asian families, we’re all like big households, we don't really move out until we get married, like that's just our tradition, our culture. Like, I feel like I need to justify why I haven't moved out yet.
Wendy
Yeah. I can relate. I definitely, thinking about it now, overexplain. When people don't even ask a question, but you're just like, here's my whole life story.
Tracy
It's like, you don't want them to make assumptions or like look down on you or like have to awkwardly ask those questions. You don't want them to awkwardly think of things.
Wendy
Yeah, so you just try and cover all bases. But also like explaining things like what do your parents do? And then having to explain what they do is kind of like shift work or like labour intensive work that isn't your classic professional careers that you do after uni.
Tracy
Yeah. I feel sometimes self-conscious when I'm talking about my parents’ work or something like that. And like you said, they work not in professional service jobs. It's like labour work. So, it feels a bit like out of place in a work context when like other people's parents are like business people, they own a company, they work in finance, things like that. Whereas our parents, I don't know, run a grocery shop, work at a restaurant, you know. Just a bit different from the Western world.
Wendy
So crazy that we just have to think about all these things subconsciously. And we just build up these habits to overexplain and try and accommodate for what people may ask us. It's like, when people ask me like, oh, do your parents speak English? Or they don't even ask me. I'm just like, oh, like I'm Chinese, but my parents were born in Vietnam, but I don't speak Vietnamese. And then having to explain. It's when they ask me like, what language, what other languages do you speak? And then I have to explain that whole thing of like, how it works with why my parents speak Cantonese, but they were born in Vietnam. And then like how my sisters were born Hong Kong. I don't know why, but I always tell people that my sister was born in Hong Kong, my parents came over in like 1995 and I was born here. And it's just like, oh also, why are your sister's name so different to yours? Because my name is Wendy, my little sister's name's Elsa, but my two older sisters’ names are like non-English names. So I have to explain. Not have to explain, but I just end up explaining why.
Tracy
I don't know why we do that. Like even the thing about saying where I’m born, I always have to tell people I'm born in Sydney. Just to clear out the assumption they might think that I'm from overseas. I think there's some sort of inherent racism thing going on there, where I feel like conscious about like, I don't want people to perceive that I'm not Australian.
Wendy
Or make assumptions about your identity. Kind of proving yourself.
Tracy
Yeah. I think a lot of it is just us trying to prove ourselves in a white dominated space. Yeah, which is like eek.
Wendy
So much to unpack there. I also have to explain things like, at work events, I don't drink much because I get really intense Asian flush. I'm one of the unlucky ones and I just say like, oh, I'm not a big drinker. And immediately say, yeah, I'm like pretty allergic to it when they didn't even ask. It’s really unfortunate. But yeah, I get really self-conscious about that stuff, like, I feel like I need to just have like one drink.
Tracy
Yeah. It’s like, because these are the areas where we might not fit in as well so we have to explain why we don't fit in with the majority.
Wendy
Yeah. Like defining your identity before someone questions.
Tracy
Yeah. What else, is anything else?
Wendy
Maybe something less serious. Like going to your friend's house and the etiquette you have. I feel like that's something that my parents drilled into me. Like when you go to your friend's house, you need to greet their parents. So that one question I always ask and I notice other people ask is like, oh, are your parents home? Is your mum and dad home? And when you greet them, you're like, hello aunty, hello uncle. And then like, some of my non-Asian friends would be like, oh, just call them like Greg, like Barbara. Sorry, I don’t know where I got these names from. But like, it's so different. And I think when I great people's parents who can speak English as well, I say aunty and uncle just naturally.
Tracy
Yeah. It's like when I go to over to friend's place and they don't have that similar etiquette in terms, I think they didn't grow up with that. And I'll ask like, where's your parents, I need to say hi to them. And they're like, don't worry about it, just go to my room. Like, what do you mean? I need to say hi to your parents. Otherwise, they’re going to think I’m rude.
Wendy
Oh my God. And then you have this like anxiety attack around it.
Tracy
A hundred percent. Yeah. So definitely we learned to respect our elders in that sense, like you always have to like address the elders in the room before you enter their home or what not.
Wendy
Yeah. And if you have like a meal or something at the house, like making sure you like clean up after yourself. Make it look like the same that it was before. Like my mum drilled that into me. And like, I always make sure, like I wash the dishes. Like, it's not your household, like all that kind of stuff.
Tracy
Yeah. It's nice though. Like, you know, it sounds like a lot of stuff that we have to think about, but I do love like how collective Asian culture is. Eastern culture is very like family-oriented people-oriented. It's all about the group. It's all about harmony within the group. And rather than Western culture, which is more individualistic.
Wendy
Yeah. That's a good observation. And it's kind of like all built on values of like respect if it's not your house, you know, and making sure that you're like really polite. Also, one thing that my mum also drilled into me is that it's because it's a reflection of your parents and how they raised you. Like if you’re a rude child, people instantly think like their parents didn't raise them properly. I subconsciously am guilty of thinking about that. Like if I see a naughty kid on the street, my instant reaction is like, oh, their parents didn't teach them the right things growing up.
Tracy
Yeah. And that's because your parents embedded that in you, right?
Wendy
Yeah. And so my mum was like, yeah, if you don't do this, it's a bad reflection on me. So, I feel like that's something that has just kind of probably stuck with me growing up and yeah.
Tracy
I think for our parents, saving face is a big thing. Like how they look like to other people is a big thing. I don't know why.
Wendy
Yeah, well, I think we've talked more than enough about our lives. This episode was a little bit different, and I hope you enjoyed it because it was a little bit more light-hearted, but I think we felt like we wanted the audience to get to know us a little bit better and we really enjoyed talking about it. And I think I realise how much of my upbringing and what my parents taught me sits within my subconscious.
Tracy
Yeah, me too. Like going back into childhood and thinking about the things that impacted you is impacting you now. It's quite interesting.
Wendy
Yeah. Well, again, favourite part of the podcast: dinner table questions. So, because it is Christmas Eve Eve, Tracy, do you have any special Christmas traditions that you celebrate every year?
Tracy
Yeah, so actually, Christmas is one thing I'd explain to people as well because my family doesn't celebrate. Like my parents don't celebrate Christmas. It's not a thing that our family celebrates. Christmas is only a thing my generation brought into the family. Like me, my sisters, my cousins, we make Christmas happen because we live in Australia and we're also Western. And like, without us, my parents or my family would never celebrate Christmas because it doesn't matter to them. It's not part of the Chinese calendar. But now that all the children like me and my cousins are all grown up, I think we've started making Christmas a tradition. So, the thing I do every Christmas. Christmas day, we're at grandma's house, we do secret Santa, but we also do like a white elephant sock exchange. So, everyone brings a sock stuffed with stuff, and then we play bad Santa or white elephant.
Wendy
I'm so jealous.
Tracy
We always have art and craft too. There's always an art activity that we do.
Wendy
I can vouch, Tracy's family's Christmas always looks so good. I don't celebrate Christmas. And if I do, it's usually just like around food. A lot of the time, like we'll just have a barbecue lunch or we'll have a nice dinner, but I mean, I always come up with really great, like Christmas traditions with my friends. And one most recently is with the rise of Ali Express, I've pitched to my friends to do Kris Kringle, but it's like $10 and the best thing you can find on Ali express. And for $10, you can find a lot of good stuff on Ali Express.
Tracy
That's a really good idea. I reckon now everyone's going be doing it because you put out in the world.
Wendy
Yeah, I hope so. That was my intention of sharing. Make sure you credit me.
Tracy
So, I think our Christmases are very untraditional.
Wendy
Yeah, extremely untraditional. And I'm kind of glad. I feel like Christmas is such a stressful time for a lot of people. Like when I hear about colleagues and stuff, they need to buy like Christmas presents pretty much for everybody as well. For like their family and extended family and like their, I don't know, cousins of cousins, like it's crazy.
Tracy
Yeah. And all the food preparation they do like, roast. Is that a thing? Roast chicken? I don't even know. Turkey. No, that's Thanksgiving. Clearly, we don't celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense, but like Christmas pudding, like the very traditional, like, oh, even a tree, like putting up a real tree, we don't do that. But we look at Christmas lights. That's something we do as well.
Wendy
Yeah, because it's just like the novelty of it, right?
Tracy
Yeah.
Wendy
That's alright, we still have fun.
Tracy
Yeah. I mean still a good time. Like I'm glad, it's kind of a new tradition we've adopted into our family. So, the second question, because we're in December now, one more week until 2022.
Wendy
Oh my God, 2022 shit.
Tracy
So, the question is, what is one significant thing that happened to you in 2021?
Wendy
Oh, gosh. So much happened to me in 2021, but the most significant thing was I had a crazy concussion. Tracy was there for it. I still don't remember that day. But basically, we used to play social netball together, prior to volleyball and yeah, we were versing a team on Monday, and I got bulldozed by somebody and I fell backwards and hit my head on the concrete court. And apparently, I had like, um, like a seizure for 10 seconds. And then I ended up in the hospital and I was like in a daze for about 6-7 hours. I didn't get discharged until like 4-5am the next morning. But yeah, to this day, I still can't remember that day and what happened?
Tracy
Yeah, like maybe that's one significant happened to me too, witnessing Wendy having a seizure and then the concussion. Because I was in the ambulance with you.
Wendy
Oh God. Were you? See, I even don't remember that.
Tracy
And like, it was really scary because I don't really work in health and what not so I didn't really know the protocols and everything. It was my first time being in an ambulance. And like, you just kept on asking the same questions again and again and again. Like you would ask, oh, how did I get here? Did you drive me to netball? Did you and Ruby drive me to netball?
Wendy
And I drove you guys that day.
Tracy
Yeah, you drove. And then you'll like, ask me things like, oh, it must have been a tough game. Like, you'll ask me oh, did we play a tough game? It'll be the same three or four questions on loop because you'll forget that you asked, and the paramedics was like, to me, don't freak out, this is completely normal for people who've had concussion to repeatedly ask questions.
Wendy
That's insane. I think we probably debriefed about this.
Tracy
Yeah, mean, it's a pretty traumatic experience, your brain probably put it away.
Wendy
Yeah, it was. And I mean, now you guys know that I have a dent, that was also why it was extra scary, like a dent in my head. Yeah, I got a CT scan and everything and it was completely fine, but I was off work for like two to three weeks and I got really bad whiplash as well from like falling back and over restraining my neck. That was pretty significant. But I feel like my life like completely changed after that, which is for the better.
Tracy
Like thinking about your life, I'm just like, Jesus, so much has happened in the one year.
Wendy
It really has.
Tracy
Because the concussion was so long ago, but it also felt like just yesterday that it had happened.
Wendy
Yeah. I always forget that it happened, but yeah, it must have been so traumatic for like everybody around me. Wild times, really wild time. Would you say that was the one significant thing?
Tracy
I mean, that's pretty significant. Um, I don't even remember 2021, to be honest. It's been so crazy but the first thing that came to my mind is volleyball. I know we've talked about volleyball, like three times on this podcast now, but like, I never imagined myself as somebody who would play volleyball. And I think that was one significant thing. Like one lifestyle change in my life, like doing more sports. This year, I did like volleyball, badminton, basketball, bouldering, started running, going to the gym. Like I think that was significant in terms of like actually being regular in my fitness and doing sports. But volleyball is definitely a highlight because it was a completely new sports. Never did it in high school, learnt from scratch. And the fact that it bought our high school group together again, I think that's quite significant.
Wendy
And it's quite a commitment, like every Sunday morning we go there 10am to 12pm. And afterwards we would eat together. Like our Sundays are completely filled with just spending a lot of hours with the same people.
Tracy
But it's so wholesome. Like it's such a relaxing Sunday. I look forward to it. Like, no matter what happens on Saturday night, we’re at volleyball the next morning, there's no excuses. Doesn't matter where we've been, how many shots we've taken, we'll be at volleyball.
Wendy
Yeah. And we've stuck with it, through after lockdown as well. For how many months, around like eight months.
Tracy
Yeah. Really, really crazy. So yeah. I'll say that was a significant thing that happened. A positive thing that happened. And lastly, what were your resolutions for 2021 and did you meet them? And our answers will be very broad, I mean, short, because we're going to have another episode about our resolutions coming.
Wendy
I think my resolution for 2021 was just to be more intentional with my time.
Tracy
Oh, I remember you setting that.
Wendy
Yeah, because I think last year, I mean with lockdown and everything, I don't even remember last year that much, but I do remember feeling like, reflecting on the year that I had as like, what did I even do with my time? And so I wanted this year to be more significant with how I spent my time and because I think I was trying to make up for lost time as well with the lockdown, and crazy because we went through four months of lockdown, but I became more intentional in, I guess, what I did with my time. Like you, I spent so much time focusing on my health, doing a lot of like running, picking up skipping. And spending time with people that I actually wanted to spend time with. That was pretty huge for me, because I think previously a couple years back, I would spend so much time with just anybody and everybody, just for socialising. But now, everything that I do, there's a purpose for it. And likewise with like reading and work as well, changing jobs. I think now my work feels a lot more purposeful as well. So yeah, I feel like everything that I do, my time is not wasted each day. And if I'm going to invest time in something, it has to be for the right reasons.
Tracy
Yeah. This year almost feels like the year where everything's kind of falling into place. Like the habits, the good habits, the friendships, the, I don't know, hobbies, like everything is kind of falling into place for the future.
Wendy
Yeah. Maybe because we're getting older. I mean, we passed the 25 mark.
Tracy
I’m still 25, so…
Wendy
Okay, whatever. But I feel like as you get older, you become more conscious of like how you spend your time. Yeah. Well, that was mine. What was yours?
Tracy
Yeah, my one, I actually looked back at my diary for this, at my journal, because I always write down my new year’s resolution and I had a lot, so I'll unpack it in the next episode, but my overall one was to focus on wellbeing, mental and physical. In terms of whether I met it, like, I think it's definitely a work in progress. I think physical, I definitely got into a really, really good habit of exercising. I keep a record of the days I work out and I was basically averaging like maybe three to four to five even days a week for the entire year. So that, I feel like I did really well. Mental health, I need to work on, it's always a work in progress, but I think, definitely this year I've been more conscious about my wellbeing overall, mental and physical. So, yeah.
Wendy
And I can see that like, as someone that's like your really close friend, being able to see kind of your good habits come to fruition, whether that's like stalking you in Strava or whatever. But I feel like we've become more, like, I guess we enjoy working out. Previously, it was kind of like, urgh, such a drag, gotta work out because apparently, it's good for you. But now I feel like we feel good.
Tracy
Yeah, I love working out. Just feeling good is good.
Wendy
Yeah, and taking a break, like it's a mental break from everything. I don’t know what I would do without it. Great. Well, we'll unpack that further in our next episode, but that brings us to the end of episode 5. Again, thank you everybody for tuning in and listening to us chit chat about our lives. We can't wait for the next one.
Tracy
So as always, follow us on Instagram @aseatatourtable.podcast. Today's episode question is, how has your upbringing influenced who you are today? So put that in the Instagram comments or on Spotify. I think you can also put it on Anchor FM. So let us know what your thoughts. Thank you for tuning in.
Wendy
We'll see you next time.
Tracy
Oh, Merry Christmas.
Wendy
Merry Christmas. Bye!